Not all Kenyans are slender marathoners. Some of them are heavier than cows

Funny truths about Kenyans that makes them very different from other Africans:

Clearly, Kenyans are not like the rest of their black race. They live in a wonderful country; which has its fair share of challenges. Kenya is a beautiful destination for everyone in the world, primarily due to its animal safaris and adventures. And beautiful people?

Well, the beautiful country has a picturesque coastline and nice conference centers for everyone. The vibrant culture is unmatched. In fact, the Maasai tribe of Kenya is viewed as the standard of the African culture. But, what are the funniest facts you should know about the Kenya people? Here are some of them:

10. Kenyans On Twitter Are The Noisiest In The World

Kenyans on Twitter are known for their boisterous tantrums. They are always willing to wage war on that any creature that uses the internet. They have been the masterminds of harsh hashtags including #KenyansVsNigeria, #SomeoneTellCNN, and KenyansVsSouthAfrica.

 

They literally control the continent’s blogosphere. In fact, a post by the BBC ranked Kenyans on Twitter as the “most vociferous” internet users in Africa.

Rowdy Kenyans on twitter
Rowdy Kenyans on Twitter

But, do you know why this happens? The majority of Kenyans can easily speak fluent English as their first language, they are well educated, but; they’re jobless!

The country enjoys one of the world’s fastest internet connections. So, during their free time, most Kenyans have more than enough material (and time) to cause intellectual commotions that light fire on the internet!

9. Funny Cuisine

Boil corn flour and you are readily preparing a Kenyan meal! Ugali is basically boiled maize flour and it forms the staple food of Kenyans. Kenyans think that everyone in the world is eating this meal, but the reality is nobody else does!

In fact, most visitors to Kenya typically have to add salt to this tasteless white thing.

Mixing corn flower in hot water to cook Ugali
Some of the funny recipes used in Kenya. Mixing corn flour in hot water to cook Ugali

Some communities in Kenya eat termites, worms, birds and even ants. A huge chunk of those from central Kenya believe in boiling a mixture of everything. There, the natives will boil every possibly known ingredient, vegetable, meat, egg, and cereal in one pot!

Imagine all these things put in one plate. And, I just decided not to point out excessive water/soup for political correctness:

Mashakula
Mashakula: A very obnoxious favorite meal of people in central Kenya.

 

8. If You Speak Fluent Swahili, You’re Out Of Place

Although Kenya may be the origin of the Swahili language, many citizens still find it difficult to speak fluently. Kiswahili is the official language in Kenya. The large Kenyan population are good Kiswahili speakers. But it is not everyone who can do that.

In the major cities, they will use some funny concoction of local languages that they try to call Swahili. “Sheng” typically comprises of words from English, Kiswahili, and another urban lingo.

And when you go to the rural areas you may find people who are funny Kiswahili speakers. Luos, Kikuyus, and Kalenjins are the worst Kiswahili speakers in the country!

Proof: Mwai Kibaki,

7. Not All Kenyans Are Athletes!

Visit European countries, and the first perception they have about Kenyans is that all of them are marathoners. They believe that Kenyans are thin skinny guys who are always ready to run 42 miles in 2 hours!

But, let’s put this clear right now: Not all Kenyans are not athletes, and only Kalenjins and a few Kikuyu and Kisiis can compete favorably on the track.

The majority of Kenyans are chubby and plus size. Their protruding stomachs would probably burst if they decided to run continuously for a 100m!

The middle class in Kenya somehow believes that all salary should be eaten, literally! It’s like it’s all spent on food, and that could be why they are such a plump lot!

But, on the better side though, Kenyans love big-tummied people. If you have a big tummy, you’ll be respected with the name “mkubwa” or “chief” everywhere you go! In fact, Kenyans are probably the only people on the planet who still believe that fat people are healthy and the skinny are poor, malnourished and probably sick!

Oh, did I mention you are also likely to get elected in the coming general elections? Just visit the parliament buildings and confirm this!

Not all Kenyans are slender marathoners. Some of them are heavier than cows
Not all Kenyans are slender marathoners. Some of them are heavier than cows

And the majority of them have shapeless legs and feet for which no sporting shoe can fit. So when you get to this side of the world, just forget about seeing every Kenyan jogging or trying to win a marathon!

6. Kenyans Love Politics More Than Development

Kenyans are always ready to launch political arguments everywhere they go. In fact, it’s not a wonder to hear a pastor giving a political direction to his congregation. Politics is everywhere, from schools to homes and even churches!

Kenyans would rather discuss BBI and other political topics instead of knowing how they will fight corruption and hunger around their country. Although the northern part of the country produces a lot of oil, the people in that region normally die of famine, drought, and diseases.

Wanjinga sisi!

5. Coronavirus Is Too Much For Kenyans To Handle!

Let’s face it: we have to admit that the best thing that has happened to Africa is that Coronavirus has not been reported on the continent yet. The continent is struggling seriously, and anything like a virus or viral epidemic would literally sweep out everyone.

Take the case of Kenya…. the government is too corrupt and the people in power only want to concentrate on amassing illegal wealth.

Think about it- China took less than a week to construct a mega-hospital to control Coronavirus in Wuhan. If repairing a bridge in Kenya takes several years, how long would it take to build a good hospital in Kenya? Kenyans are busy fighting against locusts and certainly, coronavirus would be too much to add on their plate!

4. Illuminati Members In Kenya

Every bad luck in Kenya is attributed to the occult. But does it exist anyway? This article has the truth about everything you need to know about the sect.

Who are the Illuminati Kenya members? Do they exist anyway? SEE FACTS HERE

3. Best Lawyers In Kenya

Kenya has some of the most proficient lawyers across the globe. Their influence is felt all around the world and even in the international criminal Court of Justice. Obama himself was a lawyer in the US before he became president. Here are some of the best Kenyan lawyers that you can get!

Some of the Kenyan lawyers are so skilled that they can speak in non-communicable tongues, like this one here:

 

2. Few Communities Control The Economy

Communities that interacted with the colonialists and either accepted the exotic formal education or social life tend to control the politics and economy of the country. It is not a wonder to find that the most populous tribes are also the richest and most vibrant politically.

See the post on the richest communities in Kenya.

1. Politicians And Shrewd Businessman Are The Richest In Kenya

Due to the huge monster of corruption in the country, many people find it challenging to sweat up the ladder of social stratification. The rich people are extremely rich and would be ranked globally among the richest in the world whereas the poor average in abject poverty.

There is so much imbalance in world distribution that it is easy to feel it when you get to the city.

Here is a list of the richest business entrepreneurs in Kenya.

What other funny thing do you know about Kenyans? Add your list in the comment section below!

 

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